For This Valentine's Day, a Happiness Hack

Is anybody here, like me, a happiness junkie? I’m always trying the latest tips, buying the newest books, and reading the latest research on happiness. The Happiness Project? Oh yeah, I was reading Gretchen Rubin’s blog long before her first bestseller was released. The 10% Happier podcast? LOVE IT!

In the last two decades, there has been a surge of research on happiness, fulfillment, and contentment. These studies have been valuable in identifying certain factors that are associated with higher levels of those kinds of feelings, the main factors being: strong relationships, the regular practice of activities or hobbies that fuel you with joy, and being in an atmosphere of continual growth.

At the same, researchers have found the pursuit of happiness to be a double-edged sword because the very nature of happiness is fleeting and circumstance-dependent, thus leading to higher levels of anxiety and depression (e.g. “Why isn’t this working for me? Aren’t I supposed to be happy now?).

However, the transient and illusive nature of happiness is precisely what makes it feel so good. We feel it and then, it dissipates. Then, we chase after it again. We grasp it for a moment and then, it dissipates. On and on it goes. Happiness would no longer hold its power over us if we felt it all the time. It’s illusive nature also serves as an instrumental purpose in aiding us to reach goals and milestones, like the dangling carrot.

So, an easy happiness hack for you on this Valentine’s Day? Focus on practicing gratitude over pursuing happiness.

Gratitude, as opposed to happiness, is within our control and is never circumstance-dependent. It can be practiced no matter our emotional states which, ironically, causes more happiness within our current circumstances.  

The bar for generating gratitude is also so much lower than the bar for generating happiness.

Everything could be going wrong one day. We’ve all had those days, right? The kids are more argumentative than usual, you didn’t get much sleep the night before, your email box is swamped with one stress-inducing situation after another.

But a closer look for just one moment can capture a feeling of gratitude. The smell of your toddler’s head, the sound of rain, the taste of a perfectly brewed cup of coffee.

Of all self-help modalities, gratitude is the easiest one with the greatest potential to transform your life. Like the speck of yeast that takes over the entire loaf of bread or the dash of salt that seasons the entire pot, the consistent practice of gratitude can ever-so-subtly alchemize your life, from base-metal into gold.